The Chronicle of Birdhouse- Chapter the First

In the beginning,I mean in the mid 90's. My bad, dog. So in the mid 90's in the fair city of Cincinnati. Yeah, verily 'twas a goodly city with many a proveyer of Cincinnati chili, the Skyline and the Gold Star. As thou knowest, Theophilus, these tales are told elsewhere in the Chili Wars. Lo, there was goetta and many and sundry things like the Montgomery Inn. There was the East side and the West. But mostly the West, with its epicenter of Elder, much akin to the site of Incan Cuzco, which signaleth the center of the world and the universe.
There was Over-the-Rhine were crack was dealt with impunity, and Clifton, LA Compton's poor cousin, to the Mount o' Yuppies they calleth Mount Adams and Indian Hill were men didst make waters atop gilded toilets.
Yea there were the Reds and the Bungles, squadrons of hooligans who didst make battle on fields of grass. And didst suck it verily for many a year. Yet the people came.
There were the Drinking Academies UC and Xavier were youngsters didst learn to drink the Natty and the Beast.
Amongst the Seven Hills of the 'Natty as yon fair city wast called in popular parlance, played a group of traveling troubadours, Birdhouse by name. And these minstrels didst compose a song whose lyric was so dire as to cause a wailing and gnashing of teeth. Said song wast entitled "I wanna live in the sunshine" and didst feature a lively, bouncy melody. And went thusly:

I couldn't relax

Couldn't taste the apples in my jacks

....................................

Couldn't feel the heart in my heart attacks.


For centuries now we have labored but all in vain, to decipher the meaning. For such words are unimaginable. How couldst human mind or eye conceive a lyric of such perversity? Yet oftentimes that which is bad is goodness in disguise.