The one sad thing about the end of the Bush presidency

The Shrub in Chief.


The one sad thing about the departure of W in 2008 is that this guy won't have anything to write about anymore at this blog:

Blame Bush- Because Bush is to blame for everything

This is a hilarious blog. Couched in a liberal tirade it's actually a devastating attack on liberal outrage itself.

He calls Bush "The Shrub", uses "Goddess" for God, as in "Oh my Goddess!"

The prose can be brilliant at times. I've even adapted some this to some of my stories. The "character " Larry who writes the blog routinely lambasts anyone who does not embrace Politically Correct Orthodoxy , his grandmother, his sister. Anyone whose not interested in what he has to say. So basically a totally disrespect for the dignity of the other person which is what passes for political discourse in our time.

Headlines include:

George Bush Broke the Fan Belt on My Mother's '95 Jeep Cherokee

And Before the 2004 election:

Bush Scaring Seniors Again

My frail, 94-year old grandmother was rudely awakened at about one o'clock this morning by a very frightening phone call.

"HOWDY!" the loud voice said in a thick Texas drawl. "I'm George Bush! I just wanted to call to let ya'll know that when I'm re-elected, the first thing I'm gonna do is take away your social security. All you old geezers will be out on the street with the rest of the gutter trash!"

"Bullshit," Gramma shot back.

"No, bullshit, ma'am. No siree," Bush responded. "This is George Dumbya Shrub, the pee-Resident select, and I'm going to cut off your medicare, raise the prices on your prescription drugs, kill your poodle and burn your house down. Yeee-haaaaaaaw!"

"I'm hanging up," Gramma warned him.

After a brief pause, the caller changed tactics.

"Paralysis got you down?" he asked. "Vote for John Kerry, and you'll get up out of that wheelchair and walk again."

"I'm not in a wheelchair!" Gramma replied.

"Alzheimers, eh? Too bad Dumbya banned stem cell research, or your brain wouldn't slowly be turning into goo as we speak."

"Oh Jeezus!" Gramma groaned.

"Ah, an Evangelical, are ya? Did you know that Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian?"

"You're making me sick."

"Well, Gramma, you better hope it's not the flu, 'cause Bush is withhol-"

"Lawrence, is that YOU?" Gramma growled, cutting him off in midsentence. "You little shit! How'd you get my number?"

"Err...ummm..BUSH STOLE THE ELECTION!" the mysterious, yet enlightened caller stammered. "WHERE'S OSAMA, YOU CRAZY OL' BAT?"

*click!*

Alas, look at what it's come to. Bush has polarized this nation to such a degree that reich-wing grandparents are rudely hanging up on their own grandchildren, and getting unlisted phone numbers so you have to hire a private investigator to track them down. Some grandparents are even changing all the locks on the doors, and getting big guard dogs to keep friends and family from pulling out their Bush/Cheney yard signs and tp'ing their trees.

All this thanks to a man who promised to be a uniter, not a divider.

After the 2004 election:

Lesson Learned: Americans are Dumb

One of the most important lessons learned from our loss this election is that we failed to connect with the retarded dittohead masses. I've thought about it long and hard, and have come to the conclusion that we progressives were simply too nice. Out of compassion for those inferior to them, liberal statesmen like Al Franken and Michael Moore held back and didn't sneer nearly enough at the American people as they should have, and we all paid for it on election day. 59 million jingoist biblethumping rednecks repaid our kindness by choosing a chimp who talks to an invisible diety over a war hero with four Purple Hearts.

Well, no more Mr. Nice Liberal. If our seething, drooling hatred for Bush, God, and America isn't enough to win these brainless sheep over to our pasture, then it's time to stop pulling punches. Progressive pundits are already on the ball and are diligently making up for lost sneering. However, it will take more than self-righteous screeching from the mountaintop to regain our rightful place as rulers over the brainwashed hordes. If we're ever going to win another election, if we're ever to earn forgiveness from France for our arrogance, we need to get out there in the red states where all the intolerant morons live and ridicule their silly religious beliefs. We need to really hammer it into their thick, prehistoric skulls that they're just too damn superstitious and stupid to be trusted with the future of this country.

Therefore, I suggest that we get a few really good days of self-pity and hopeless whining in, and then get back to work reminding the uneducated trogs how inferior they are. It's time to really get into their faces and shove it down their slack-jawed gullets that if they ever want to work again, ever want to eat again, ever want to walk again, ever want to see their sons and daughters alive again, they better damn well vote Democrat!

So today, I compiled a list of ten people I know who voted Republican and gave them each a call, in which I basically laid out the real heart of the progressive philosophy in simple terms they could understand.

"RACIST BIGOT GAY-BASHING FASCIST MORON!" I screamed into the phone after dialing my first number. "BIGOT FASCIST RIGHT-WING IDIOT HATEMONGER!!!!"

"Why are you screaming at me?" Grandma asked. "This state went to Kerry anyway."

"NO THANKS TO YOU, YOU INTOLERANT EVANGELICAL NAZI WHORE!" I shouted.

"Jeezus!" Grandma gasped.

"STOP FORCING YOUR RELIGION ON ME YOU NAZI BIGOT MORON!" I demanded, and hung up the phone. Jesus indeed!

The next eight calls were less cordial, and I received some very un-christianlike remarks from my targets before they rudely hung up. My, my, my! The hateful bile that comes out of the mouths of these "compassionate conservative" hypocrites!

Call number ten was out of town, but I left a convincing message on his machine. Tonight, I'm going over to spray paint "NAZI LIVES HERE" on his garage door. If that doesn't win his heart over to our side, nothing will.

Logic dictates that if four years of baseless accusations and ad hominem attacks won us 48% of the popular vote, then being twice as nasty will win us 96%. And if each of my readers were able to convince just one right-winger on their list to convert to our cause, it would mean 15 new votes for the democrats in 2006.

So go get 'em, take no prisoners, and feed those right-wing Christians to the liberal lions!